Time for a series titled, 10 things I hate about Perth. It's no secret to anyone who associates with me that I have a deep resentment to what Perth has become, contrasting to what it could (and should) be....
1. Transperth
Ever since Transperth was privatised and contracted out to independent operators in the late 1990s, quality had faltered dramatically and public transport has turned into an almighty chore.
The reach of public transport remains woeful in the Eastern Suburbs (ie. east of Midlands), and at points where the jurisdiction of transport contractors intersect (ie. Madeley), there is often scanty, poorly planned service. Worse still, areas where there are thousands of people working in industry and logistics and so forth, are inexplicably and pointlessly underserviced.
It seems as if Transperth is complicit in a great conspiracy to increase the amount of road traffic, by providing unreliable and unpunctual public transport service so as to make it socially unpalatable. It is no longer an argument about personal space or privacy; in a world of Ipod hermitage and sunglass shells, it is about personal efficiency - an element of which Transperth severely works against, leaving only the expensive option of automobile use. These issues, including the increasing bureaucratic stress of dealing with Transperth officers, reduce the quality of life of the denizens of this city.
Ever tried to jump on a train to work? No, you're NEVER going to find a seat...but that doesn't matter, you can stand through the whole journey, right? Wrong.
As early (and as ungodly) as 7am, trains are packed, sardine-tin packed. And for pointless reasons beyond my ken, it is in their unfounded wisdom that they see fit to field trains that are not full-length, that have perpendicular rows of seat rather than seats running parallel to the walls (increased standing space hence allowing more passengers). They're packed. Solidly, sordidly, unhygienically, packed. People stand back-to-back, nudging an elbow takes out an eye, releasing your bag me result in your bottom slamming into the hips of an unsuspecting fellow Transperth victim. And we have to *pay* for this?
No matter, wait for the next train, right? Wrong again. The next train will not only be packed, it will be late. It takes 3 minutes for a train that is 1 minute away to arrive. Honest, that's what happened this morning. In Japan, commuter trains and bullet trains with the same level of inefficiency will go bankrupt; travellers are granted free passage in the event that a train is more than 1 minute behind schedule.
Another isssue; why allow students to purchase a student-concession ticket without a Smartrider? Easy. It is a Transperth ploy to ensnare poor students of their hard-saved cash. They do this, by slapping on a $55 fine for not having a "WA-valid student card". What on earth do you mean, you might ask? In the past, anyone who held a student pass, regardless if you were an international student or interstate student, was entitled a student concession upon presentation of your student card. Today, this concession must be present on the Smartrider and no other document can vouch for the same concession, not even a student card.
Late trains, absentee buses and frankly evil concession rules. All these stupid issues are crowned with the hubris of Western Australian insufficiency and inefficiency - the short work day (more in this, in another post). The trains stop at 2am, where in many other major cities, trains are a round-the-clock year-round service. Understandably, there are (very unpunctual, often absentee and often unsafe) bus services covering the gap hours.
Timetables. Transperth apparently prides itself on a JourneyPlanner website which is non-functional or slow 99% of the time you wish to access it. Predictably, this occurs prior to, and at the end, of Perth's 9-5 workday. Solution? "Browse the site during non-peak periods". "Blame the ISP". "Upgrade your internet connection". Listen here webmaster, don't blame the users of your arthritic and asthmatic server for trying to save the planet by using your half-past-six moneymaking scheme of a public transport service. Either you're spineless, or your too stupid to realise that the limitations of your site is that the IOPS for your servers are low, you know it can't handle many requests per second, you know it doesn't work, SO FIX IT! What couldn't a decent set of FusionIO SSDs, a few SunFire racks a serious re-think of the GUI and search algorithms fix?
Also, yes, browsing the site outside of peak periods is workable, but here's a problem. Where am I at peak hour? In front of a computer? On the internet at my leisure. No. I'm seeing patients. I'm draughting plans. I'm working a mine. I'm studying at school. I'm doing my work and carrying out a productive deed. I cannot afford to allow a menial, trivial question of getting from A to B dictate the course of my life. So...why don't you do your jobs Transperth, and buck up?
Oh, and one other thing - get a new advertising team. Your man-in-Smartrider-suit farewelling a multirider card was stupid and corny. Piggy Bank revolutions and anti-Smartrider protests? Puh-leeze. Threats to the public about a mutant creature who has BOTH the annoyance of a parking attendant AND the powers of a police officer, demonstrated in an ugly half-and-half image of two people? Why? And Archie-style comics about a giant squid stopping ferries and a satellite crashing in Joondalup amuses no one.
I can see you're trying to be clever, but you're not. A lot of people have an irrational hatred for that bleach-faced man in a Smartrider suit for the bureaucratic mess he symbolised when we all got out first Smartriders. It wasn't very smart. Piggy Banks revolting against Smartriders? Well. Here's an example of Transperth thinking we're so anally-straight laced that we all keep our change in piggy banks for the next time we take a bus, so with Smartrider we stop using piggy banks and the piggy banks suffer what appears to be a severe abandoment disorder as they rob banks and get stomped on by grandmothers and hide in teapots. And yes, we get the idea that your two-bit blue-uniformed fine jockey anankastic Neanderthals are given powers beyond justifiable reason, but why make a poster intimidating the general public about it? Chances are, the ones committing an office are too blind drunk or too illiterate to understand. And those comic posters...no one found them funny, they were lame and the fact of the matter is most of the delays and problems posed in using public transport are not on their email alert service, and not everyone is so dependent to have to check these alerts on the go, on their mobile phone. Oh and yeah, fix the JourneyPlanner service on the phones, it doesn't work.
Take heed Transperth, your slow and overpacked trains, absentee buses, uncomprehensive service and frankly rubbish timetabling deserve an accolade for being one of the things that makes Perth so unbearable.
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